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Pitfalls of Self-Help Culture

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Corona ran right through my whole family, and on top of all the lockdowns and fear that I was struggling to contend with, now I had it myself.


A month of a bad cough, a little fever, soreness of the limbs, and the worst part of all, the EXHAUSTION!........

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I am a Huge Hypocrite!

I was thinking this to myself a few months ago, and it was starting to get to me.


How can I possibly coach others if I have problems myself? A big question.


Authenticity and self-honesty are the core of who I am, and thinking about myself this way hurts.


Then I came to a realization........

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Experience that matches your role

As a younger life coach, it is to be expected that people throw the age card at me as an objection to my offer of service.


How can I help others with marriage as someone not married?

How can I help someone with their children as someone who isn't a parent?

How can I coach someone more than twice my age?......

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Different Roles Mean different            Amounts of Training

"So, you just decided that you were a life coach, and now you can tell people what to do?"


It's not uncommon when I am faced with this attack on my ability to get results for people.


The truth is that I used to be on their side two years ago before I took my 60-hour ICF accredited certification training........

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      Learning from success v.s.             learning from failure

I have found for myself that discovering my strengths and finding what works well is more valuable to figure out what works well for me.


I am reminded of a quote that there are 999 ways not to create electricity, but you only need one way to make it work.


Meaning that, of course, it is essential and helpful to figure t what went wrong when things do not work out...........

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Re-establishing balance v.s.           Shutting down emotions 

Breathe in, breath out


I was feeling anxious a while back, and I was trying to calm down.


I had a big block.


I was thinking about how I can shut out my anxiety when he is such a good friend of mine. (pm me if you want the article fear is my friend)......

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     trusting your intuition v.s                       discomfort

I was having a discussion with a friend of mine about the distinction or lack thereof between pain and discomfort.


He suggested that discomfort and pain are synonymous or that PAIN IS A CONTINUUM AND THAT DISCOMFORT IS ANOTHER NAME FOR PAIN ON A LOWER SCALE.


Meaning that pain is a level 5-10, and discomfort is 1-4 on a scale of 1-10 intensity gradations...........

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           Relationship bank                   accountants and money

I noticed a few years ago that asking for money made the relationship out of balance of power in the relationship.


Meaning that money and power are closely correlated and perhaps even synonymous many times and that if you want the power dynamic to stay, even asking for money can easily disrupt that goal..........

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Pain v.s Discomfort

Before we dive into this, let's first explore another perspective.


A friend of mine suggested that discomfort and pain are synonymous or that PAIN IS A CONTINUUM AND THAT DISCOMFORT IS ANOTHER NAME FOR PAIN ON A LOWER SCALE.


Meaning that pain is a level 5-10, and discomfort is 1-4 on a scale of 1-10 intensity gradations.........

Psychodynamic Therapy



Before we launch into a discussion about this topic, lets first
introduce the technical language, concepts, and tools that a
psychodynamic therapist uses:

Before we do that, allow me to present a massive caveat.....

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Concepts and Tools

Here is an overview of the main concepts, language, and tools that a
psychodynamic therapist will use in therapy:

1. Insight/self-awareness driven- focus on building self-understanding........

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A More In-Depth Look

Here is an overview of the main concepts, language, and tools that a
psychodynamic therapist will use in therapy:

Reenactment- recreating the same experience.........

Exploring Cognitive Therapy



The word cognitive means the mind or thoughts.

Therefore cognitive therapy means "thought healing" or "healing through thoughts."

Cognitive psychologists conceptualize mental health challenges by looking at the interaction of our thoughts, feelings, and actions...…..


ACH: Accurate, Compassionate, and Helpful

CCC is for three things ACH: Accurate, Compassionate, and Helpful.

Accurate here means precise.

For example, The statement 'Men are pigs' is not correct. The more accurate statement is, 'upon occasion some men act impulsively.....'



Cognitive Fallacies

Let's elaborate on the concept of accuracy:

Cognitive therapists call false thoughts "cognitive fallacies" or "cognitive distortions."

These are thoughts that are false through exaggeration, misrepresentation, or omission......


Exposure Therapy

Exposure therapy is another CBT approach.

This method was designed for those whose fears are too dominant for them to handle alone since this imbalance causes paralysis.

The basic outline of this approach consists of incrementally increasing exposure to the things that trigger the fear.......


Pros and Cons

I see CBT, not as a modality of healing but as a tool to regain balance and functionality while psychodynamic therapy does the deep healing.

Balance and functionality ARE critical. However, conflating healing with them does no one a service, lest of all the client.........

Featured Articles


Golden Chains of Dependency

One challenge that I worked on is excessive dependence. This
dependence is a growing issue with children staying by parents until
their late 20’s or even early 30’s.

The bountiful abundance that we experience has allowed this luxury of
choice to be entertained.........



Self-Love vs. Self-Esteem vs. Self-Confidence

These terms are often conflated, and to avoid getting into wars over
semantics, let's operationally define them and use them as a reference
to three unique concepts.

Self-confidence- the internalized awareness of how one's abilities
affect the world.........


“There is nothing to fear but fear itself.”

Through these kinds of clever phrases, society has idealized language
that makes negative emotions “symptoms” that are to be feared, seen as
problematic, and eliminated.

In the interest of “moving on” and “not living in your past,” we must
disown, repress, and skip over the process of processing our emotions........


Paralysis and Rage

What we call trauma is the inability or refusal to experience life as
its intended since it is too intense, too complicated, excessively
uncomfortable, or too scary.

What often results from trauma is that parts of ourselves get frozen
in place, which is meant to be processed appropriately over time, not
stay stuck indefinitely..........


Getting "Technical"

"it's just a phrase."
"That just how I talk."
"I misspoke; it happens."

These are the responses that some give when they have "Freudian slips"
or word usage that reflects priorities that they do not want to admit
they hold............


Externals and the Real You



Well, not exactly, but some will think that expressing the most external parts of themselves that they are showing you the "true you."


What a mistake.


Your deepest unique identity will be most on display when everyone is dressed the same, doing the same thing, in the same location.....

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